Tuesday, December 27, 2011

kapil sibal jokes

Noise is measured in Decibels;
Nonsense is measured in Sibals.
The stupidest minister of parliament of all time :D Lolz

Sunday, December 25, 2011

how people think of the world

japan,china,india,canada & afghanistan are not to be missed LOL

Saturday, December 24, 2011

fever remedies

santa sends an SMS to his boss: "dear boss i will not be able to come to office today as I am down with fever!"

Santa's boss replies : "When I am sick I kiss my wife, try it.."

2 hours later

Santa replies: "I am ok now sir, thank you for showing the remedy, and your wife is very sweet!"

by: kunal

Thursday, December 22, 2011

when should you study

Teacher: Which is the best month to study..?

Student: Decembruary..

Teacher: dont be silly, there is NO such month..

Student: Exactly..!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Monday, December 19, 2011

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Two wisest advices

1. Never laugh at your wife's choice because,
You are one of them. :D

2. Never be proud of your choice because,
Your wife is one of them. :D

Saturday, December 17, 2011

shooting in mumbai

A man shoots mad dog in streets of Mumbai to save an old lady.
News: An Indian saves lady
Man clarifies that he is not an Indian.
News: A brave foreigner shoots mad dog to save lady
Man says that he is a Pakistani.
News: terrorist attack on local dog!!
by: siddharth

Friday, December 16, 2011

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The engineers joke

The mr. perfectionist in cheating
 How the 'so' called engineers ask for leave :D
 And the first and final project of engineers :D

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Impact of Job Change

A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something

Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop

The driver said: "Don't ever do that again, you scared me"

Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"

Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault its my 1st day as a Cab driver.I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs.

by: parth

Monday, December 12, 2011

what not to do on boat!

A silly tourist asked a boat guy:"do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography,Geology?"

The boat guy said: "NO to all the questions"

The tourist then said:"What the hell you know on the face of this earth? You will die of illiteracy!!

After a while, the boat started sinking, so the boatman asked the tourist:"Do you know Swimology and escapology from Crocodilogy?"

The tourist said: NO !!

The boat guy replied: "Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your badmouthology" 


Saturday, December 10, 2011

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

kapil sibal mode

who is she?

A boy was going with his girlfriend

his friend asked : who is she?

Boy : she is my cousin.

his friend said: last year she was my cousin.!


Monday, December 5, 2011

Kolaveri Student Version

Yo students i am singing
exam song
fail song
why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di...
rhythm correct
kaila book
only english..
hand la book
book la notes
eyes-u full-aa tear-u
empty brain-u
exam u come-u
life reverse gear-u
maam-u maam-u
oh my maam-u
you taught me sum-u
cow-u cow-u holy cow-u
is this in syllabus-u
god i m dying now-u
invigilator is happy how-u
this song for students- u
we dont have choice-u
why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di
fail song!

ultimate answer!

teacher : why r u late??

student: does it really matters??
you still get paid .. 

by: kunal

Sunday, December 4, 2011

recognise this guy?

Once santa was thinking while looking at the mirror!! "I have seen this guy somewhere..."

After some time he jumped up in the air saying yaa i got it! "He was sitting opposite me in saloon for haircut!!"

Friday, December 2, 2011

Barack obama jokes!

guess why Barack Obama is more popular in China than in America?
Because he created more jobs there!

and guess why would Barack Obama not laugh at himself?
Because then he would be a racist! 

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Sunday, November 27, 2011

3 Reasons 2 Give Exam

1. you can spend 3 hours in self meditation.

2. you can complete your sleep.

3. you can see your teachers being bored who usually bore you

Saturday, November 26, 2011

the cute loveletter!

Girlfriend: i kiss every stamp pasted on your letter addressed to me....because i know your lips would have touched it before while applying it!

Boyfriend: uhh!! actually i affix the stamps after rubbing them with my dog's nose!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

can u plz help me

Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”

Client: “Is e-mail internet”?

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”

Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”

Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”

Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”

Client: “Open what?”

Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”

Client: “My…my…?”

Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”

Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”

Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”

Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”

Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”

Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”

Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”

Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”

Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”

Client: “My what?”

Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”

Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.

Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”

Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”

Me: “An error message?”

Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”

Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Move it for me.”

Client: “Move it?”

Me: “Yes. Move it.”

Client: “My e-mail!”

Friday, November 18, 2011

santa the scientist

A man jumped into the river and never came back.

Another man jumped, he also did not return.

Santa's conclusion: Man is soluble in water...!!


six things boys do in examination hall!
1> counting number of girls
2> sighting the lady supervisor
3> counting the number of windows and doors
4> seeing the brand name of pen
5> feelings for wasting the last night without studying
6> think to study well atleast for next exam

six things girls do in examination hall
(whether they know or don't know!)
1> write
2> write
3> write
4> write
5> write
6> write
god only knows what they write!!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

video game loco

Jack : I love Playing video game with my younger brother.
Friend: Why only your brother?
Jack: I always beat him.......................... when I lose.

The perfect computer

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

drunk men ask for lift

Three men were drunk, they stopped a taxi for a lift,
The taxi driver figured that they were drunk,he just switched on the engine & switched it off & told them, we have arrived.

The 1st guy gave him money,
2nd guy said thanks but the
3rd guy slapped him.

The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them must have realized that the car didn't move an inch.
so he asked,what was that for?

Guy Replied, control your speed next time Dude,you almost killed us... 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Indian newspaper headlines in 2060

Indian newspaper headlines in 2060:

Kasab dies at 70 in jail of high cholesterol due to too much biryani.
Golmaal part 27 is released,
Tusshar Kapoor is still unable to speak or act. 
Sharad Pawar owns half the world.
Facebook is declared a country.... ...
Raja's son is arrested for 16G scam.
Girl in Delhi travels 50 feet safely.
"Lakshadeep Cats" to be the 63rd team to join IPL.

financial management

A beggar found rs 100.
He went to 5 star hotel for dinner.
Had his delicious feast and bill amount was rs 3000.
With his total amount not worth paying the tip...Manager handed him to police.
He gave rs 100. to police and was set free.
Its called FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT without MBA.­ ­

by: kunal

Monday, November 14, 2011

optical illusion

stare at the center of the image....see the colours disappearing in a few seconds...
wonder how the hell does it happen!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

can't get funnier

Teacher: give me one example of a Coincident?

Santa: my mother and father, both have the same date as marriage anniversary..!

japanese tourist!

A Japanese came to India. He took a AUTO to go to the airport.
On the way a HONDA overtakes,
Japanese: HONDA made in JAPAN very fast.....
Next a TOYOTA overtakes, he said TOYOTA made in JAPAN, very fast.
Airport came he asked how much?
Driver: 8000Rs
Japanese: why so expensive?

Driver: METER made in INDIA very fast... ­ ­

Thursday, November 10, 2011

the intelligent girl!

Boy: How many apples can you eat in empty stomach?
Girl: I can eat 6 apples........
Boy: you can eat only 1 apple in empty stomach because when you eat the 2nd apple that's not in empty stomach........
Girl: wow super joke...... I'll tell my friend.
next day...
Girl to Other Girl: How many apple can you eat in empty stomach?
Other Girl: I can eat 10.
Girl: oh no, If you would have told 6 apples I could have shared a very nice joke with you !
 by: parth

Saturday, November 5, 2011

check your IQ

dont paste the answer here if you got it...share it on facebook or twitter with your friends to see their IQ

Thursday, October 27, 2011

top 10 Bollywood dialogues ever

10. Kuttay, Kameenay mai tumhe jaan se maar doonga

9. Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga

8. Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye?

7. Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi.

6. Bacchhaaaaoooo. ….

5. Yeh anyay hai bhagwan

4. Bataoo, heeray kahan hai.

3. Tum mere liye mar chuke ho.

2. Police meeray peechay lagi hui hai.

And the number one all time best statement is ….

1. Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

height of kanjoosness!

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.

Banta: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend­ ­

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Teacher break's the signal

A lady broke the traffic signal...

Police :- Stop!! 

Lady :- Plz let me go.I'm a teacher.

Police :- Aah,I've waited for this moment all my life.

Now write...

'I'll never break signal' 1000 times

Thursday, October 13, 2011

setting password in laptop

Girl is setting password for her laptop with a guy sitting beside her..
She types"BRAIN"As password.
Guy Fell Off from Chair laughing
Because :- Laptop Replied : "TOO SMALL"....
 by: kunal

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

height of drunkness

Boy- "I wasn't that drunk.."

his friend- "Dude you were in my pool trying to find nemo!,
you asked your girlfriend if she was single!,
you were arguing with yourself on the phone and got upset when you hung up!,
you were in my closet yelling 'where is narnia?',
you were throwing rocks at my cat screaming 'go pikachu'!,
you hugged a man with white beard and cried 'dumbeldore you're back!"
and you still say you weren't drunk...!!!

by: milan

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

pakistani gets shifted to US

Once a Pakistani boy shifted to America with his family..
On his first day at his new school his teacher asked him what his name was..
He replied "my name is Mohammad "
His teacher said you are an American now..your name from today will be Johnny.

He went home and his parents asked "how was your day Mohammad?"
He said "I am an American and my name is Johnny and don't call me Mohammad from today"
He got a nice beating from his parents!

Next day at school his teacher asked "How was your first day in America Johnny ?"
Johnny replied "It has been just 24hours since i shifted to America and I was beaten up by 2 Pakistanis"

Monday, October 3, 2011

difference between civil and mechanical engineers

the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers is that
mechanical engineers make weapons and
civil engineers make targets to test those weapons!

Monday, September 26, 2011

joke on drunk guy

Police stops a drunk guy at midnight and asked him where he is going!

The drunk replies: To attend a lecture on ill effects of drinking!

Policeman replies: Who's gonna give you a lecture at midnight?

Drunk: My wife.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

the great santa!

संता रात कों घर नहीं आया तो सब परेशान हो गए . 
सुबह होने पर पता चला के संता रत को बैंक के बहार सो रहा था
सब ने एक ही सवाल पुचा संता को की क्यों वो बैंक के बहार सो रहा था
तभी संता ने बैंक के बहार लगा हुआ बोर्ड दिखाया जिसमे लिखा था " यहाँ सोने पर लोन मिलती है "

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

wife calls husband!

Wife calls up her husband

Wife: Where the hell are you???!!

Husband: Darling do you remember that jewelery shop where you had seen a necklace and fell in love with it and I had told you that I have no money and promised you to buy it one day!!

Wife(tremendously happy) : yaa i remember my love!

Husband: I am in the pub just next to that shop!

Friday, September 16, 2011

drama in classroom

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home!

Santa throws his bag out of the window.

Teacher: Who threw that?

Santa: I did, I am going home.

sender: ashish

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Joke on facebook

Dear Facebook
Every time I add a girl to my friend list you ask me
"Do you know her?"

Is she your sister..???
just mind your own Business...what problem do you have if i get a girl-friend?

Friday, September 9, 2011

Afghanistan army's missile launcher!

Son's birthday

Dad to son: what do you want on your birthday?

Son: Nothing much, just a music system and a sports car surrounding it!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

the most dangerous alphabet!

Which is the most dangerous alphabet?

" W "
because all worries start with " W"
and finally

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Stock market joke

BSE -->Bombay se exit
NSE --> nation se exit
F/O --> future over
NIFTY --> no income for this year
BTS --> buy today suicide tomorrow

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Santa teaches his teacher in class

Teacher asks a  question to santa : If Banta borrows 1000 rupees from you at simple interest of 10% per month for 6 months, How much money would Banta return to you after 6months?

Santa replies: 0 rupees madam

Teacher: you don't know Maths!! shame on you.

Santa: you don't know Banta!! shame on you.

Monday, August 29, 2011

getting ready for marriage

Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: That depends on your husband, if he would allow me :D

Sunday, August 28, 2011

husband and wife

Husband was busy reading something when his wife asks him what he is up to since so long?

Husband replies nothing!
Wife taunts nothing?? you have been reading our marriage certificate since the last hour, whats going on?
Husband replies dear I am not able to find the expiry date anywhere in the certificate!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

why do homework

Teacher to santa

Have you done your homework?

Santa: No, ma'm

teacher: Why?

Santa: I live in hostel...

Saturday, August 20, 2011

friends get lost in desert

Robert and Jackson were lost in desert...they were dying of thirst when they came upon an oasis, and there was a Mosque...!

Robert to Jackson: "Look there is a mosque, lets pretend we are muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or water...I am going to call myself 'Abdullah".

Willson refused to change his name and said: "my ...name is Jackson and i will never pretend to be other than but what I am!"

The Imam of mosque recieved both well and asked their names...
Robert: am Abdullah
Jackson: am Jackson

Imam turned to his helpers and said:
"bring some food for Jackson only"

And then Imam turned towards Robert and said:
"Ramzan Mubarak bhai Abdullah"

Friday, August 19, 2011

husband's interview

Interviewer: What is the best thing about your wife?
Husband: She has a problem for every solution!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Girl is caught travelling with her boyfriend by dad!

Two girls were having a conversation!

girl 1: I was sitting behind a boy on a bike and travelling home, when my dad saw me!

girl 2: Ohh shit, what happened then?

girl 1: Nothing he asked me to return the money I had taken for bus fare!


Friday, August 5, 2011

what is heaven?

Wife: I heard from someone that in heaven 'husband & wife' are not allowed to stay together??

Husband: Yes darling, in fact that's the only reason why it is called Heaven!!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Difference between horror and beauty!

Guess what's the difference between horror and beauty??

A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep...

But horror is when it hugs you back...

by: kunal

Saturday, July 30, 2011

santa and banta in the battlefield

During a war!

Santa wore a mosquito net instead of a bulletproof vest!

so Banta was shoked and asked him..."why did u wear a mosquito net instead of a Bulletproof vest?"

Santa replies "even a small mosquito can't make its way through this net!! then how can a big bullet make its way!!! "

by: kunal

Boeing 747 crashes!

Did you hear about the 747 jets which Crashed into a cemetery in Karachi?
The Pakistani officials have so far Recovered 3000 bodies.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

How to deal with a policeman!

It was a bright and sunny morning when Santa was on his way to office on his scooter.
Banta(policeman) traveling on his bicycle stopped him and said "switch off the headlight of your scooter, when there is so much of light around us, why are you keeping it on?"

Santa was irritated by this, he politely obeyed and turned headlight of his scooter off, then he got down his scooter and went near Banta's cycle, he opened the valves of the cycle tires and both tires were flat. He told Banta "When there is so much of air around us why are you storing it?"

Monday, July 18, 2011

Drawback of Windows operating system!

Error message shown on the screen during startup in Windows!

Keyboard not connected.
press F1 to continue.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Interview tips..

Interviewer: tell me, how will all human beings die if water gets over on the planet?

Interviewee(Santa): If there would be no water left, Human beings would not be able to swim......if they are not able to swim, they will drown and thus die :)

Saturday, July 16, 2011

making fool of a doctor!

A Neurologist was seen running behind a patient on the streets!

A Passerby asked the neurologist, what was wrong?

The Neurologist replied "that man came to me telling he wants me to operate on his brain. As I prepare for the operation by cutting his hair, He runs away thereby getting a free haircut!!"

Thursday, July 14, 2011

It's party time!!

In a party a handsome guy asked a girl, " are you going to dance?"

Girl felt soo happy and said "yes!!!"

Guy replied "that's good, so can i have your chair?"

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

poor blind man!

A blind man was out walking with his dog who was eyes for the poor blind man when suddenly the animal paused and pee'd on the man's leg.
The blind man bent down stretched out his hand and figured out where the dogs head was.....on finding his dog's head, he patted the dog's head.

Having watched what was happening, a person on the road said, "Why are you patting your dog? even when your dog just pee'd on your leg!"

the blind man replied, "I know that dear, but I need to know where his head is before I can kick his butt."

Thursday, July 7, 2011

AXE effect on study!

Class teacher of a boy wrote behind the boy's book for the boy's father: "Please give a shower to your boy before sending him to school!!, He is stinking all the time!!"

Boy's father replies in the same way: "You concentrate on making him study, not on smelling him!"

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

leakage from the roof

Santa had a leakage from the roof over the dining room.

Plumber asks to santa- When did you notice the leakage?

Santa replies- Last night, when it took me 3hours to finish my soup.!!


Monday, July 4, 2011

poor friend!

Santa: a friend of mine secretly took my girlfriends number from my cell phone!

Banta: then what happened?

Santa: Nothing, that idiot is still sending romantic messages to his sister!!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

anger control tips!

Santa: when i get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Banta: I clean the toilet!

Santa: How does that help?

Banta: I use your toothbrush.

sender: ashish

Saturday, June 25, 2011

difference between potentiality & reality

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between 'Potentiality' and 'reality'?"
Dad:"I will show you"
Dad turns to his wife  and asks her:"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?
Wife:"Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!
Then Dad asks his Daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter:"Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"
So Dad turns to his Elder Son and asks him:"Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?"Elder Son:"Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"So the father turns back to his Younger Son saying: "You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!!"

Friday, June 24, 2011

microsoft's mistake!

Santa reads in newspaper: "Microsoft buys Skype for 8.5 billion $"
He shook his head and said! You could have downloaded it for free, you idiot!

getting admission in San Fransisco State University

George just finished his schooling from San Fransisco. He decided to get admission in San Fransisco State University, so one fine morning he decided to fill up the form to get admission. He told his parents that he would be back by evening.

3 days passed since he left from home, his parents were worried. Then came the call, it was George, his parents inquired about his whereabouts, so George replied "Don't worry, I am here at Washington DC filling up the form, as the form said (Fill in capital only), don't worry I will be back in 2days!!!!"

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

shock of a lifetime!

A biker was riding when he saw a girl about to jump from a bridge, so he stops and asks "what are you doing?"

girl replies "I'm going to commit a suicide!"

Boy asks "well, before jumping can you give me a kiss?"

so, she kisses him.

boy replies "wow, that's the best kiss I have ever had, why are you commiting suicide?"

girl replies "My parents don't like me dressing like a girl!"

The biker jumps off the bridge!! :-D

Sunday, June 19, 2011

at exam hall!

Examiner to student "why are you under tension? Did u forget admit card,ID,or calculator?"

student replies "No Sir! By mistake i have brought tomorrow's exam note (Cheating material) today!"
by: arjun

Fact of beggars

Beggar: sir please give me 5 rupees! i need to eat, i haven't eaten since days!!!

Guy: well, I don't have change I've got a 100 rupees note, do you have change?

Beggar: yes sir, I have 95 rupees with me!

Guy: Use those money first then come to ask for more!!

Friday, June 17, 2011

At an African safari

In an african safari;
A Lion suddenly bounced on santa's wife.

She screamed: "shoot him! shoot him!"

Santa: yes yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera

sender: shekhar

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Latest news from Hell.

Latest news from Hell

M. F. Hussain has reached and is currently drawing a nude portrait of Osama Bin Laden.

Monday, June 13, 2011

all the way to sun!

Santa and Banta, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
Santa said to Banta, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
Banta replied "But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And Santa answered, "So what, we'll go at night."

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Santa at border!

Santa comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered Santa.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Santa all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases Santa, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto Santa's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says Santa.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Santa, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, Santa doesn't show up one day and the guard Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
Santa, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

Friday, June 10, 2011

Smart Santa

A Santa and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from New York to Paris. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $10,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $1000."
This catches the Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $10.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Santa and hands him $1000.
The Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Santa reaches into his purse,hands the American $10,and goes back to sleep.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Santa's pregnant wife

Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

santa's son at medical college

Santa:  I am a proud father, my son is in medical college.

Banta: what is he studying?

Santa: He is not studying, they are studying him!!!!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

conspiracy against pakistan!

Manmohan and Obama are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Obama and Manmohan?" .

The barman says "Yes, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says,"Hello, what are u guys doing?"
Obama says, "We're planning world war 3"
Guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Manmohan says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!

" Manmohan turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

Friday, May 27, 2011

two strangers on a train!

Two strangers, A man and a woman were assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Initially uneasy over sharing a room, they were tired and they slept, He in the upper birth and she in the lower birth.
At 1 AM, the man leans over and gently wakes the women and says "mam I am sorry to bother you, but will you please reach into the second closet to get me a second blanket?, I am awfully cold."
woman replies "I have a better idea, just for tonight let us pretend we are married."
"woow!, that's a fantastic idea." man exclaimed with a huge smile on his face.
She replies "Now get your own damn blanket!"

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Santa buys a radio!

Santa brought a radio from a shopkeeper! 
Next day he goes back to the shop, Angry!!

Santa: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold you a good radio.
Santa: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

Santa as a museum guide!

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa(museum guide): An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
(museum guide): That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Airline company's new scheme!

An Airline company launched a scheme where a husband can take his wife for free on a Business trip.

After huge success of the scheme, the airline company sent letters to all wives asking about their experience and feedback!

to which 99% of wives replied "which trip?, when?, what scheme?"

Sunday, May 22, 2011

reality about recruitment!

Boy got rejected and Girl got selected in an interview for the same reason!

They had kept the top button of their shirt!

sender: mayank

Saturday, May 21, 2011

death of superheroes!

In 1975 superman,batman and spiderman were flying across India, and suddenly they died.

In Sholay Gabbar singh had fired 3 bullets in Air!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Intelligent santa!

Intelligent Santa changed all of his passwords to "incorrect"
so that when he forgets them,
computer will remind him "your password is incorrect".

Monday, May 16, 2011

letter to mother in law

every girl writes this letter once in her lifetime!

Dear Mother in law,
           Please don't teach me how to handle my children, I am living with one of yours and he definitely needs a lot of improvement!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

santa's house

Santa made a new house painted the top portion of his house,
and in the lower portion wrote "SAME AS ABOVE"

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

what is kiss?

What is kiss?
In Maths= Kis the shortest distance between two lips.
In Physics = It is a process of charging human body.
In Computer = Kiss is local area network in which 2 bodies conneted without any data cable.
In Economics = Kiss is a process in which demand is always higher than supply
by: parth

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Girlfriend cheats Boyfriend

Boyfriend: I cheated..
Girlfriend: so what? do you think i loved you? I was cheating on you for the past 2 years!, you were just for fun...!
Boyfriend cried and said: I was talking about exams.

Monday, May 9, 2011

santa banta on titanic

Titanic was sinking.

Santa: How much the earth is far from here?

Banta: 1 kilo meter.

Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"

Banta: Downwards...........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by: parth

Saturday, May 7, 2011

santa travels from Newyork to London

Fifteen minutes into the flight from New york to London, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A santa turned to the Banta who was in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

Friday, May 6, 2011

at singing compitition

Santa: what is this small medal for?

Banta: because I sang a song!

Santa: and, this big medal for?

Banta: to stop singing!!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Husband wife story!

Husband was throwing darts on wife's photo.
All darts missed the target!

suddenly he received a call from his wife, she asked "what are you doing?"
He replies "Missing you.!!!"

sender: ashish

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Sardarji's mom's letter!

Dear Banta
Vahe Guru !

I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast..

We don't live where we did when you left home your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not  have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able  to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated Right above the commode. I'm not sure it works..
Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled  the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The First time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy  to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off  and put  them in the pocket.

Your  father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass  at the cemetery. By  the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is  really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your  sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is A girl  or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your  uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but  he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for  three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill  his father's  last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

Monday, May 2, 2011

government runed by donkey's

American: In my country dogs drive cycles!

Chinese: In my country cats drive Bikes!

Japanese: In my country monkeys fly plane!

Indian: In my country donkey's run the government! 

Sunday, May 1, 2011

punjab to america

Sardar calls Airport and asked "How long is the journey from Punjab to America?"
Receptionist: "1 second sir"
Sardar disconnects saying "she was drunk"!

sender: milan

Saturday, April 30, 2011

who is a husband?

A man who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A man who surrenders when he's NOT SURE, is WISE.
A man who surrenders when he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.