Sunday, June 26, 2011

anger control tips!

Santa: when i get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Banta: I clean the toilet!

Santa: How does that help?

Banta: I use your toothbrush.

sender: ashish

Saturday, June 25, 2011

difference between potentiality & reality

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between 'Potentiality' and 'reality'?"
Dad:"I will show you"
Dad turns to his wife  and asks her:"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?
Wife:"Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!
Then Dad asks his Daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter:"Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"
So Dad turns to his Elder Son and asks him:"Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?"Elder Son:"Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"So the father turns back to his Younger Son saying: "You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!!"

Friday, June 24, 2011

microsoft's mistake!

Santa reads in newspaper: "Microsoft buys Skype for 8.5 billion $"
He shook his head and said! You could have downloaded it for free, you idiot!

getting admission in San Fransisco State University

George just finished his schooling from San Fransisco. He decided to get admission in San Fransisco State University, so one fine morning he decided to fill up the form to get admission. He told his parents that he would be back by evening.

3 days passed since he left from home, his parents were worried. Then came the call, it was George, his parents inquired about his whereabouts, so George replied "Don't worry, I am here at Washington DC filling up the form, as the form said (Fill in capital only), don't worry I will be back in 2days!!!!"

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

shock of a lifetime!

A biker was riding when he saw a girl about to jump from a bridge, so he stops and asks "what are you doing?"

girl replies "I'm going to commit a suicide!"

Boy asks "well, before jumping can you give me a kiss?"

so, she kisses him.

boy replies "wow, that's the best kiss I have ever had, why are you commiting suicide?"

girl replies "My parents don't like me dressing like a girl!"

The biker jumps off the bridge!! :-D

Sunday, June 19, 2011

at exam hall!

Examiner to student "why are you under tension? Did u forget admit card,ID,or calculator?"

student replies "No Sir! By mistake i have brought tomorrow's exam note (Cheating material) today!"
by: arjun

Fact of beggars

Beggar: sir please give me 5 rupees! i need to eat, i haven't eaten since days!!!

Guy: well, I don't have change I've got a 100 rupees note, do you have change?

Beggar: yes sir, I have 95 rupees with me!

Guy: Use those money first then come to ask for more!!

Friday, June 17, 2011

At an African safari

In an african safari;
A Lion suddenly bounced on santa's wife.

She screamed: "shoot him! shoot him!"

Santa: yes yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera

sender: shekhar

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Latest news from Hell.

Latest news from Hell

M. F. Hussain has reached and is currently drawing a nude portrait of Osama Bin Laden.

Monday, June 13, 2011

all the way to sun!

Santa and Banta, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
Santa said to Banta, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
Banta replied "But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And Santa answered, "So what, we'll go at night."

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Santa at border!

Santa comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered Santa.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Santa all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases Santa, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto Santa's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says Santa.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Santa, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, Santa doesn't show up one day and the guard Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
Santa, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

Friday, June 10, 2011

Smart Santa

A Santa and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from New York to Paris. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $10,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $1000."
This catches the Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $10.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Santa and hands him $1000.
The Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Santa reaches into his purse,hands the American $10,and goes back to sleep.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Santa's pregnant wife

Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

santa's son at medical college

Santa:  I am a proud father, my son is in medical college.

Banta: what is he studying?

Santa: He is not studying, they are studying him!!!!