Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Funny rules for employees part-2

 continued from (part 1)>> catch the first part here

Toilet Use – Section 147/A
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 3:00 to 3:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 3:20 to 3:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may SWAP their toilet time with a co-worker. Both employee’s supervisors must approve this exchange.
Toilet Use – Section 147/B (this is our favorite!)
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the bathroom stalls.
· At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken
· After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Repeat Offenders category".
· Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be prosecuted under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
This will now range from 5 minutes to 30 minutes according to the individual.
· Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
· Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal and maintain their average figure.
· Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because they don't need to eat anyway.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations and accusations should be directed elsewhere. Thank you.
Please stay back for 5 more minutes today…as u have wasted 5 minutes in reading & forwarding this email…..

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